he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
