I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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