fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
