I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
