Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
