Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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