p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
