I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
