I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I can't put those talents on a resume
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
