im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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