overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
