Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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