party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
