yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
