Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
