CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
