I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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