so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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