Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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