I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
