I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
