I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i came on her dog
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
