Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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