i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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