You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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