but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
