I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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