i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I still have a little drunk in my system
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
