i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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