I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
