We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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