grandma shit on top of the toilet
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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