I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
