Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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