I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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