i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
