Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
