Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
