No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
