there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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