Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
