Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
