Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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