honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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