3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
