you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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