pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
