my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
why is half of my head shaved?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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