An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
