There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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