she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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