Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
