I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
