You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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