How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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