Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
