I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
