it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
