i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
