I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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