She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize