Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
