She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
